• 1 – 15 1/2 oz. can pink salmon, bones and skin picked out (unless you like these)
• 2 packages cream cheese, softened
• 1-2 tsp. liquid smoke

Mix all the ingredients in a bowl and spread on toasted bagels.

Here are some additional ingredients that I have added over the years, which I think enhance the experience:

• 2 tsp. lemon juice
• 1 tsp. lemon zest
• 1 tbsp. minced capers
• 1/2 c. grated or finely diced red onion OR diced green onion
• 2 tbsp. minced fresh or 1 tbsp. dried parsley
• salt and black pepper (freshly ground) to taste

Of course,  if you want to make a non-ghetto version, use a small fillet of natural smoked salmon.

Es gezunterhayt! (Yiddish for “bon appétit”)

• 1 box lasagna noodles
• 1 dozen spinach leaves
• 1 can pink salmon
• 1 can whole tomatoes
• brown sugar
• 1/2 pound shredded cheese
• 1/8th of a read onion, sliced thin
• 3 cloves garlic
• oregano
• sea salt
• black pepper
• crushed red pepper
• lemon juice

Pre-cook your lasagna noodles just under al dente. Rinse them off with cold water and butter the bottom of a baking pan. Arrange one layer of noodles, I used three for each layer, on the bottom of the pan and top with the spinach. I drizzled a teeny bit of olive oil and then generously sprinkled black pepper on this layer. Add another layer of noodles and fill this layer with your salmon. I could have added capers here if I would have thought about it, but instead I just splashed some lemon juice and sea salt with a pinch of garlic powder onto the salmon layer.

The next layer will be another row of noodles and then your can of tomatoes along with the thinly sliced onions and garlic. Sprinkle some brown sugar across this layer. You can break up the tomatoes with your fingers, no need to slice them. Spread some oregano and crushed red pepper on this layer before topping with one last row of noodles.

The top layer is just the shredded cheese with some more oregano and bake it in the oven at about 375 for approximately thirty-five minutes or so. You know it’s done when the cheese starts to brown slightly. Use the next to bottom rack if you can.

For a side, I made some green onion soup in a beef broth. Both of my dinner guests loved this concoction and ate three servings.

My sis and my coz can both attest to my last foray into indulgence. She also pointed out to me that some of her favorite dishes that I have prepared came from a drunken stupor. Like the time I made scones and I didn’t have the right ingredients but somehow, magically, we still ended up with scones.

I’d like to start measuring the correlation of my drunkenness to my ability to whip something up. I will liken it to the ‘uncanny valley‘ factor. The more drunk I get, the better the food is. Until I hit the valley. Then anything produced after that point will be met with revulsion. Am I making any sense here?

We took a squarish four cheese Costco frozen pizza out of the fridge and started pre-heating the oven. This is where some of my philosophy for food comes in. I am sure there were plenty of ingredients we could have put on this pizza to make it more nutritious and more appetizing, but I always go with the ingredients that look like they need to be used. Items that are almost gone and will get thrown out if not used with other things.

I saw a quarter of a red onion and a quarter of a roma tomato in the fridge. Perfect. These things naturally taste good on pizzas. Especially with each other. I also cannot resist placing fresh garlic on frozen pizzas. If you ever have a frozen pizza and fresh garlic in the house, it is a must. Being drunk, I was feeling adventurous. Hell, I’ve had pizzas with tomatoes and onions on them before, but have I ever had a pizza with pimentos on it?

Tonight was the night to find out. After the pimentos made it to the pizza I started feeling a little more adventurous and thought that some more green would help the pizza taste and look yummy. Tarragon. I haven’t used tarragon very much in the past so I used that as an excuse to use some now. After this I realized I wanted some spice in my pizza. Tapatio. Tapatio is one of the best hot sauces out there, it has no vinegar.

We were just about done but then I realized that no pizza can be harmed with some oregano. So in went the oregano and out came the pizza eight minutes later because after all the chopping and dicing, the pizza was almost done.

I can’t describe how amazed I was with myself. At first I just attributed this feeling to narcissism combined with alcohol. After the first three pieces I had to have seconds but my little sister had already beat me to the second serving. This is when I realized that maybe it wasn’t all in my head. My final confirmation was when I woke up and was craving the last six pieces but they had already been consumed by my cousin. My mouth is watering right now just thinking about it. I can’t wait to make this for somebody so that I can try it again.

p. s. If you can tell me why I called it pizza plus and list the source, I will truly respect your trivia prowess.

First I started preheating the oven while I wrapped a couple potatoes in some aluminum foil. Then I liberally salted and peppered the meat. I want the meat to sit in its own juices for a moment. A couple cap-fulls of vermouth and a splash of worcestershire probably won’t hurt the flavor.

After throwing the tubers into the oven, I tabbed about two almost three tablespoons of butter into my frying pan. I do not fear fats and oils. You should not either. The idea was to sear the steak and bring the internal temperature up to par as quickly as possible. From prior experiences we had learned that the quality of this steak was quite atrocious. I was hoping that cooking it in this manner would help to avoid the nasty chewy low quality beef flavor that we experienced from previous adventures with this meat.

I left the steak on each side long enough to create a deep brown color. Because the smoking point of the butter wasn’t as high as I needed, I didn’t quite get the color I was looking for. The ideal color would have been the brown you get just before it starts to caramelize on the outside.

After getting some color on both sides I started preparation of the onion. I only had half of a red onion left. About medium sized. This was all I really needed so that worked out fine.

The plan now was to allow that internal temperature to stabilize so I needed a few more minutes with the stove but I didn’t want all the heat going directly into the outside layer of meat. I dumped the onions into the pan and I love the sound that a pan makes when you throw in something fresh. It is one of my most favorite things to hear.

I love the bitter taste of onions so I did not want them cooking too long. Just long enough to soften them a little. So while those were cooking I spread, liberally, some stone ground mustard onto each side of the steaks and cooked both sides for another minute give or take. The smells coming out of my kitchen at this point were making me salivate.

This is where I turned off both the oven and the stove so as to allow the potatoes to cool off and let the frying pan cool a bit before taking the food out. I have this thing with leaving empty hot dishes on my stove. They need to cool off before I make them empty.

The potatoes received just a little bit of salt, butter, pepper, and a topping of ranch chip dip. I don’t know if it is really ranch or not, it is pink, but it came from my fridge and the container says ranch so I assume it is. It almost tastes southwest.

Anyway, I pigged out and ate a steak and a potato and then another half of the steak before I was engorged. Now I am sitting here staring at and smelling my food wishing that I could eat the rest. I really need to learn how to cook single servings.